>>Working with Your Spouse:[Career Healthy or Career Suicide?]

by Peter Morris

A man and women get married. They get together because they love each other and want to live happily ever after, and maybe have some kids. Of course they have mutual interests, so they decide to be in business together. This happens everyday. Is it a good idea? Maybe, maybe not.

I think on a general basis it’s fraught with additional problems. It should be obvious that people who are significant to each other, whether they’re married or they’re not married, must engage in a constant reinvestment and a constant struggle with intimacy, even those relationships that work well. One requirement is figuring out being close but yet having space, having space yet being close. Our example couple may not want to be always close at the same time. One person may want to be close at the very time someone else wants to pull back a little and vice versa.

Obviously there are times when things are congruent, which is great. It’s melodious. It’s romantic. It’s exhilarating. But there are other times when one person wants to be close, the other doesn’t, and then there’s neediness and there’s conflict. To compound these personal relationship dynamics with business in the working sphere is fraught with the potential for “I want my space!” and other problems.

If, despite these realities, a happy couple wants to try business together nonetheless, I think a realistic sit-down with a piece of paper on a grid is a productive first step. Write down what each person’s roles and responsibilities are, what their compensation and profit or salary desires are, how much time they’re going to put in, how they’re going to share personal and business responsibilities and divide them in business with other people, with themselves. Add to that list plans for dispute resolution, because disputes will arise and they must be resolved.

When you put all of that together -- if all those things are discussed maturely, rationally, and dispassionately -- you might be able to beat the odds and live happily ever after in business together.

Being in business together need not destroy the love affair, as long as distinct lines are drawn. There must be time allocated for romantic walks on the beach with no business chatter. The flip side is important too. A marital spat the night before cannot be allowed to taint the next day’s business dealings. A couple cannot allow any negative aspects of their personal intimacy bleed off to the workplace. This is a difficult balance for two people to achieve.

All that said, I would never advise a couple to work together, and if they violated my advice, I would particularly recommend against operating a mom and pop business out of a home office. Nor would I invite couples to work together at the same company as employees, especially in a very closely held tight-knit firm. It’s something else if two people work for a large corporation, an airline for example; if one’s a pilot and the other one is in the travel section and they rarely see one another in the workplace, that’s no problem.